HEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!

OMG!! I can’t believe I’m doing this!

I’m freaking out! I hate exams. I hate test!

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Four long years has past,

and now I have exam I must pass!

Industrial Relations is the subject

How I wish now I can reject!

Gonna study till late

And I hope it is not too late!!!

Aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!

Exam phobia!!

It is going up my nerves

As I try overcoming the exam nerves!

Aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

“the pink hair is me” >.<

Was driving to work this morning, using the usual route I use to go work. Very slowly I drove up the hill (yes I use housing areas to avoid jam and to pay only a 50cents ‘toll’) listening happily laughing my way with Hitz.fm and suddenly….”splak toing toing” (imagine a bit la hah) on the right side of my car wind screen. Ooopps!!! A flying stone i thought.

Looked through my rear mirror and I saw something going down and down it went under the car behind me. And it was crushed when the wheel of the car when over it! Splat splat splat!! eeewwww.. Oh man..it wasn’t a stone..it’s not a mini plane and it is definitely not Superman. Superman won’t be so silly to die like that since he can fly right? It was a tiny little sparrow! Aaarrrggghhhh!!! I killed a bird!! Oh noooooooo…. Hey! It wasn’t my fault ok? If the bird was flying so low then, it probably had problem flying, the wings might have been injured or something. So I’m innocent. *Sweat! phewww!!”

Ohhhh!! poor little birdie..rest in peace ya. Now you can fly up up up in the sky and all the way up up up into heaven and be happy in your new home where you can share with the rest how you died!! Shoo Shoo!!

For those of you who reads my blog you’ve read about me sharing how much I wanted to continue my studies but due to financial difficulties I can’t…ya di ya da ya di ya da… and now……

GOOD NEWS!!!

I finally started my course in Human Resource and Industrial relations. God is so good!! I got a call fews weeks back and this lady who is a close family friend of my mom’s side told me to go ahead and sign up for the course and she will take care of the fees. I was hesitating at first and I seek advice from Hadrian and my sis whether I should take up that offer. After putting much thought, I decided to sign up. I hope to pass with flying colors and succeed in life. Who knows after I complete and get my cert, I may get better offer at work and better pay? Or to even have the chance to work in a MNC company, aight? Well..all this will have to wait till I complete my studies and also to wait for God’s timing. So yeah..attended my first class last Saturday (10th May 2008).

BAD NEWS!!!

I’m currently down with fever and flu and sore throat, and headache and body ache. It is the All-In-One package you see. I couldn’t keep up with my nose as it is running too fast. Running out of tissues too. My head is spinning faster than a merry-go-round and my body feels so heavy like I’m gonna collapse anytime now. Oh I just need my bed. I need sleep and good rest. Falling sick now is really a bad timing.

I check my mail box everyday. So this morning I received an email informing me that there’ll be mid term exam this coming Saturday which is like…the day after tomorrow?? When I read that I was like WWHHHHAAAAATTTT?????!!!! My class started just a week ago and now I’m told there’ll be mid-term exam?? And after that I’ll have my assignment to do. Oh Man…I’m freaking out already OK??? (but what to do? Each module has only 5classes. And the following Sunday will be my final class before the final exam.) Aaarrrggghhhhh!!! tick-tock-tick-tock! I can hear the clock ticking and tocking really fast now! *gulp*

Really..it’s scary to think about it. I’ve been out from college for like 4 years and I am not a super smart straight A’s student. I can’t imagine how am I gonna do it? Ok ok..I must keep myself calm. Must gain some confidence and be motivated rather than vice versa. I have to do it no matter what. Already sign up for the course and there’s no turning back! So Canna…face it!!! Do your best!

*Sweat*!!! >.<

Thank God my lecturer is a very kind hearted man. My course mate called and said that he gave us tips on what will be coming out! So there will be 10 multiple choice questions (MCQ) and 2 essays in which we will only need to choose one. And he gave us the 2 questions. *clap clap clap*

Yay!! at least a little motivation is coming my way I hope to do well as I really wanna do well. So i must get well in order to do well. I need to study and concentrate. Can’t let the fever and running nose distracts me. I don’t mind falling sick if I can get more rest. But now???!! Bad timing. really bad bad bad timing. Damn!!

Say it like Ben 10 “Oh, Mannnnnnn”!! kekekekeke

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

Dear Mummy,

How are you up there in heaven? Having a great reunion with aunt Clara? Are you having you favorite Kopi-O (black coffee) every day? Aunt Clara baking carrot cake? How is it like up there? Is Jesus very handsome?? LOL

It has been a 12 long yrs and I’m missing you every minute, every second. Today is Mother’s Day. How I wish you were here to spend it with us. Ever since you left I’ve not celebrated Mother’s Day. I probably don’t really know how it is like anymore.

Mummy,

We are all grown up now. Ame is married with a child named Evan. Evan is turning 4 in July. He’s a cute and yet mischievous boy. Just like his mother. We all love and care for him. Papa is always happy when Evan is around. He calls him the Little Emperor. When Little Emperor is around, he takes the loneliness in papa away. You don’t have to worry much for we will take good care of papa. As for Esther and Carol..both are doing great. But Carol never stop us from worrying but she is well. And as for me..I’m doing good too.

I finally got the chance to continue my studies. I’m taking a course in Human Resource & Industrial Relations. Please tell aunt Clara that and I am not going to disappoint you both.

When I was younger, I never have the guts to tell you I Love You! Probably due to the way we were brought up. We never dare to say such words but only in written form. And I wonder why because saying I Love you is a beautiful thing. But today…everyday I tell you I LOVE YOU!!

Today, I have not visited your grave. And it is a very special day. It is Mother’s Day!! I will go visit you on your birthday can? I will bring you your Pink Carnation OK? And please don’t stop visiting me in my dreams. I treasure every single time when I dream of you.

Know that all of us love you very much and we miss you dearly!

Went to Borders in Gardens yesterday. Couldn’t resist myself from buying more books. What I like about Borders is nothing else but the buy 3 for 2 books. Hehe..

This time I didn’t manage to buy the rest of the Shopaholic series. Why? Because no sale. So in the end I got myself books by Jodi Picoult. Haven’t read her books yet but by reading the synopsis, I guess it should be interesting.

You see, reading is one of my favorite past-time. Whenever there’s sales and special discounts, I’ll grab and buy the books that I like. I bought so many and I haven’t finish reading that many yet. And still I’ll keep buying and buying. So now I have more books to read. And before I know it, I’ll buy again and still haven’t finish reading the rest of the books. It is a good investment though..and I can have my mini library up soon..only if I can find space in my room. Must also remember to keep the receipts to get waiver for my yearly income tax. Good isn’t it?? hehehehe

So yeah..books books books..gotta go wrap them up nicely now. I can’t stand having my books folded here and there. I like it nice, neat and new teehee..

Dad is in Singapore. He’s very very happy and he’s enjoying himself there with step-mom and also Evan the “Little Emperor”! He likes the life there I know. A new place, new environment. Esther told that he’s been walking around in Bugis and he’s very happy. He told me they are enjoying themselves there. And of course for one reason he’s there is also to meet the future in-laws. Akakakakaka

I hope Esther get her house real soon. Then can arrange to bring dad over for long term or the best is for good. And I also hope to get a job and settle down there? Hehe.. Our family have been through a lot. It is time for a change. YES!! A CHANGE in environment. We need to start all over again with peace *wink wink*

I see that many of my friends are also working in Singapore! One of my friends told that now she wants to explore more. She’s hoping to move to either Australia or U.K. Wow!! you see?? They are moving forward so much ahead of me. So advance OK? Unfortunately I’m still stuck here in Malaysia I said. Life here in tough. Things are getting way too expensive. Standard of living in KL are getting higher. Yet salary is not getting any higher. Sad isn’t it? I did my calculation and I know I can survive if I’m in Singapore. I’m just waiting for time. Once I complete my studies and get my cert, then it will be my turn. But I hope it won’t be too long. Reaching my thirties really soon. Time is catching up real fast. Hey!! don’t laugh ok? I’m only 26 years old. But I see the number 3 getting really close to me now. *faint*

Living in Singapore is safer than here. At least their government do things for the concerns of their citizens. They provide their needs. Besides, their public transport are reliable and it is so convenient to move about in Singapore. Especially for working people. So easy man!! Not that I hate Malaysia or what…just that with the condition in our country today..I just don’t feel safe. Neither am I proud nor happy.

So yeap!! I must work and study hard now. I’m looking forward for a new beginning in life, in career. Most of my friends are moving on, moving out, moving ahead, got out of Malaysia, getting out of Malaysia..whatever you call it!

MOVE MOVE MOVE!!! WHEN??????

Hah! I can’t be left behind can I? I also wanna explore and be successful!! I also wanna earn BIG BUCKS!!! hehehehe.. whoosh!! Ganbate!! yeee hah!!

And I have a good news coming up next.! So don’t go anywhere.. LOL ^.^

*Whoooooooossssshhhhh!!!! hahahahaha..

I need to lose some weight
I need to burn some fats
I want to lose some weight
I want to burn some fats
I have to lose some weight
I have to burn some fats!
All this excess weight and fats have to go in four months!
FOUR MONTHS! FOUR MONTHS FOUR MONTHS!!!

I don’t need a floater round my waist! I don’t wanna end up looking like this!!!!! I don’t wanna carry a floater everywhere I go!

IT MUST ALL GO IN FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!! *hmmph!*

Just few days back I shared about the frustrations that I’ve been having. I read so many blogs and I see that so many people are looking for a change. They want a change in life, in career, etc etc etc.

Similar question like these were asked; Do I need a change? Do I need to change? What needs to be change? When can I see a change in life, in career? What needs to be done to change? You will see and hear all these questions going round and round.

End of the day. The answers are in our hands. If we wanna see changes in every aspect of lives, then we gotta make it happen. Don’t you think so? We can’t just sit and wait for answers. We gotta do something about it. For example; If you wanna see change in career, a better future, then you gotta first know what you really wanna do in life. Then you start looking for a job that you are capable of. Though we may not get a reply overnight, but at least we try, right? When the time comes then we will see change. We will get answers. All of this go with God’s timing!

Anyways…

“Change” is not my point here. I wanna share with you something else. (this is gonna be kinda long. Pls bear with me)

Last Sunday, I finally went back to church. Many times I walk my journey my own way, trying to do things my way.but somehow somewhere down the road I truly know that I need God. I need to depend on Him in many things. I want to depend on Him for my life is in God’s hands.

Rev. Kenneth shared a very beautiful message that day. It was something I needed to hear. It was for me. His message was about ‘RIGHTS’. About how God has given us the right as His children. He gave us the right to choose, to decide. We have the right in many things in life. He gave us freedom.

He said there are 2 types of right;

1. The passive right – means you do what is expect of you. you may need to do more than expected.
   
2. The active right – you have the right to get out of that boundary.

You see, we are like living in a box. A box where we are much comfortable living in. Therefore many times we only do things in the box and we will not cross that line to get out.

Let me give you some example:

a) You work in a company that provides you a car and also pays all of your expenses. Does that mean you owe your life to your boss? That you gotta do whatever he asked you to? Doing things that does not concerns your work but having you to do his personal stuff, doing and running errands for his family etc etc etc? NO!! you don’t have to do all this.

b) You live with your parents since young. But today you are a grown up and are planning for your future. You wanna marry a husband/wife. You wanna settle down in your own home, you wanna buy/rent a house with your life partner. But…Your parents want all their children to live together under one roof even after marriage life. But you and your life partner are not keen on that idea. You both wanna have your own place called home and doesn’t wanna stay with neither of the in-laws. What would you do? Would you just grant your parents wish and save your money from buying a new house, building a new home and family with your partner and ask your partner to tolerate with all unhappiness and continue staying in your parents home? Or would you put a stand, get out from that comfort zone and live happily ever after with your spouse? Even if end of the day you have to work really hard to gain the finance to move on or even rent a small apartment, would you do that to see that you and your spouse live happily? Life is ours and we have the right to choose.

What I’m trying to share here is that all these rules and boundaries are set by man. We have the right to break those rules. We have the right to get out from that boundary. Unless the boundary is set by God, then we must NOT CROSS!!

Many times we must learn to get out from that comfort zone we are in. If we stay too long then it could be dangerous too. Just like if I stay away from God too long, not attending church too long, then it would be dangerous for me. Because my spiritual walk with God will be far apart and then is where the devil will come and play with me, my thoughts, my mind, my life. The devil will grab hold of whatever opportunity it gets.

The devil will do all it takes to destroy us and our life. But we shouldn’t fall into the devil’s trap. Because we have the right to cast it all in JESUS name. For our sins are forgiven when God sent His only begotten son to die for us 2000 years ago.

“The thief does not come except to steal, to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10)

We are given the right to do the right thing. Do not walk in our own ways but let God take control of the wheel. Let Him lead the way. And we will never live in regrets. That I can guarantee.

Step out from that boundary, that comfort zone and we will see breakthrough in our lives. Everything that we ask in God is our right! CLAIM IT!! Amen??

“But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God,to those who believe in his name..” (John 1:12)

Use the right God gives us and break the chain of bondage that captured us and be set free!!!!!!!! For we have Freeeeeeeedommmmm in Christ!

It is just so frustrating!

There’s so much that I’m not happy about. So many dissatisfactions. But I can’t pour it all out here. I wanna scream my lungs out. I wanna cry my heart out. But who will listen? Who can listen? Will anyone listen nor understand? I fret when I let it out the only thing i hear from those who listen is “SEE…I TOLD YOU SO!!!” and that’s not what i wanna hear.

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!

There’s so much regrets I’m having in me for the decisions I made. I dun wanna live in a life like this for my entire life. Not when I’m married. Not when I have my own family. I can’t be doing things for people as though I dun have a life to live. I appreciate whatever that has been given to me. I dunno if i should call it blessings when there are “terms & conditions”. I would rather not have any of these you know?

I’m also a human being. I would appreciate it very much if people would gimme back the respect I give to them. Respect needs to be earn!! If some people just can’t learn to respect others, then I would not even bother to give my respect to them. It is not worth it!

Can somebody please help me????

I know everything happen for a reason. Being where I am and what I am doing today there is an advantage for me. With the time and space I have now, I can look forward to proceed with one of my dreams. Which is to further my studies, complete it and get the certification.

Then from there I can move on. Move on to a better place, a better environment. I wanna be somebody, I wanna be successful. I will never let anyone look down on me. I’ll prove myself to them. Prove to those people and tell them that money is not everything. So long we have the desire in reaching our goals and dreams, noting is impossible. For with God, ‘ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE’ AMEN??!!

Most of all, I wanna make my mom and aunt Clara proud. It is her (aunt) hope to see me complete my studies and be somewhere, be somebody. She used to say this to me; “No matter where you are, what you do..NEVER sell yourself short!” that’s her words and I’ll always carry it with me.

Now, I’m praying that God will provide me financially so that I can continue my studies. I pray that He will give me the courage and wisdom and that I’ll not live in such frustrations. Because it is really frustrating being frustrated. Know what I mean??

I dunno when but I hope to see me moving on real soon. I hope to be brought out from here soon. I know God has His plans for me. But how long I gotta wait? I dun wanna keep making decisions or going into directions that is not of God’s will.

I PRAY & HOPE THAT IT WILL NOT BE TOO LONG!!!!

Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! Screeeeeeaaaaaaammmmmmm!!! *faint*

I MISSED IT!!! I MISSED IT!! I CAN’T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MISSED IT!!

*ahem ahem*Ok ok stop being dramatic.boo hoo..I MISSED IT! Damn!*cough cough*

*sob sob..sniff sniff* I missed the Celine Dion “Taking Chances Tour” live in Kuala Lumpur!

Even though I cannot make it.. but still…. I missed it!!! Waawaawaawaa!!

I MISSED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!